im about as happy as oj after his trial
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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