3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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