After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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