Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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