wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
