seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
