Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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