batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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