Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
