I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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