So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
