If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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