Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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