I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
