i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
