Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you didnt know i had herpes?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
