wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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