The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
