what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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