i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We have started to decorate penises.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
