Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize