It's a beautiful day for a hangover
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
