oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
