Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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