This girl is more easily done than said...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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