My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize