It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
