you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
