The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
