just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
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Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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