it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
