I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
