I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
