Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
