I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
