My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Fuck appropriateness.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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