i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
