how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
