batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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