also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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