Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
