I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize