I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
