Tell her she can't have a vagina
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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