And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize