You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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