Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
