we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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