Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
