i don't like sucking hair
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
