What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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