I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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