i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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