I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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