A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
