Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
