my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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