Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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