Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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