dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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