I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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