I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
