He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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