i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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