grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
