Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
