Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
