I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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