btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
