Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
