I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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