I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
