Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
