does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
