who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
